I'm a Christian Addicted to Porn

The remains of the campfire were cold. And the labels on the bottles of Bud were bleached white by days in the sun. Whoever had camped out in the woods near my house was long gone. My friend and I picked through the debris they'd left behind. An abandoned hip-hop CD. A few empty baggies and bottles. And a magazine.

The cover was weathered and unrecognizable. I poked it open with a stick, scared of what critters might be calling it home now. Its dewy, wet pages flopped open. I saw a woman. And I saw her naked breasts.

Since I was only 7, I ran. I mean, girls had cooties. They were gross. They were things we chased at recess, but didn't know what to do if we ever caught one. But I still remember that image. I was excited by it, but scared of it at the same time. I didn't understand it and I knew I shouldn't be seeing it.

And I knew I wanted more.

A few years later I got my chance. This time I didn't run away. I was 13. I was at my friend Tyler's* house. Tyler was my only friend with internet access. Almost every day, we played computer games for hours.

But one day we clicked on what we thought was a game to download, and our lives changed. It wasn't a game, but a video. At first, we laughed as we saw the blurry, slow-moving image of a woman. We laughed nervously as if to say, "That's so stupid. Turn it off." But we didn't turn it off. We watched it. Then I went home.

But Tyler went looking for more and showed me what he found. I didn't run away this time. I didn't want to keep looking. But I did. I was caught.

Eventually, looking at nudity online together grew uncomfortable and boring. So Tyler and I took our passion for porn solo. Tyler kept downloading anything he could find, progressing from topless women to sex photos to hardcore videos. Meanwhile, I bounced between feeling guilty and wanting to see more. Some days I was strong. Other days, I was like a lustful porn addict looking for a fix. I never purchased or downloaded porn, though. I was a church kid in a small town who could be recognized and ratted on. And I had no computer at home. Instead, I stole porn.

I searched my friends' houses in hopes their dad had a hidden stash of Playboys somewhere. When that didn't work, I stole porn magazines from convenience store shelves. Not many. Just three or four over a couple of years. But I savored them.

I imagined one page at a time coming to life. It's embarrassing to say, but these women made me feel loved. My eyes would feast on their skin and it made me feel like a man. For just one moment, I felt wanted. I felt pleasure.

I felt close to someone, and it never bothered me that she wasn't real. She was to me.

But those moments of fulfillment did pass. Always. The pleasure faded. And in its wake I fought pounding waves of regret and guilt. I felt a million miles from good, a billion light years from God. I'd often think back to how I saw that first picture of a naked woman. I had used a stick to keep it away from me. I felt like God had the stick in his hand now, poking at me from a distance, trying not to get any of me on him.

I knew this wasn't true. I knew I was a Christian. And I knew God saw me as perfect and loveable as he saw his very own Son. I knew all this. Grace. Love. Forgiveness.

But I didn't feel it. And I grew more and more depressed and frustrated with myself. I'd promise myself over and over that I wouldn't mess up again, only to repeat my mistakes.

Tyler wasn't any better. He eventually found it impossible to believe in a God who'd keep him from looking at porn. With God out of the picture, Tyler convinced himself porn was just about pleasure. And how could pleasure hurt anyone? Once he decided pornography wasn't evil, he embraced it. He subscribed toPlayboy and bought their videos.

Seeing what happened to Tyler was a wake-up call. I knew I was headed down the same path. So I got help. One day, I was hanging out with a close friend who was a strong believer. Out of nowhere, I told him everything. My voice shaking, I confessed that if I could look at pornography for free, knowing I wouldn't be found out or feel guilty, I would. I asked him for help. We prayed together.

And then—to my surprise—my friend told me he had the same problem. Turns out most of my friends did. We went to an older Christian in our church and asked him to meet with us every week and help us. This man had no great wisdom we lacked, no secret to fighting the drawing power of naked women. But what he did was listen, give us wise advice and pray. He became a caring mentor to all of us. The first thing he showed us was that we weren't the only ones with these problems. We weren't freaks. We weren't alone anymore.

As I met with my new accountability group, I saw my life had to change. And a lot of those changes and lessons still apply to my life today. Lesson one: run away. "Flee!" our mentor often said. "Alcoholics shouldn't live across the street from a liquor store." To me, that means I can't walk alone into the magazine section of a store. Or use a computer alone without internet filters.

I have to limit the opportunities for temptation. I have to put space between me and porn. I can't have some catalogs in my house. I don't let myself watch TV alone. Even with filters on my internet service, I don't go online if no one else is home. These restrictions annoy me sometimes. But they help me flee.

The second thing I learned was to ask myself the question: How can I increase my desire for God and smother my desire to lust? Someone once told me that there are two dogs in my heart's backyard. One dog always craves pleasure, sin and selfishness. The other dog craves justice, mercy, peace and obedience to God. When I wake up every day, I choose which dog gets fed. The one I feed grows until the other dog can't even be seen.

I need to feed the right dog. I do that by having honest relationships with Christian guys. I have one friend in particular I check in with daily. We talk honestly about sex and sin and the junk that tempts us. Together we figure out how to be better men. We gripe. We pray. We confess. We teach.

I also feed the right dog by reading the Bible and studying it with other people. And I don't just read it, but I write down what I've learned and what I'll do or think differently because of it. I spend time in silence asking God to speak to me. I pray, worship, serve other people.

On most days, the good dog outweighs the bad one. That mongrel is so scrawny now that I hardly notice him. But he surprises me every once in a while. Out of nowhere he'll bark at me, and I'll find myself pulled in the wrong direction. He's the loudest when I'm not careful about avoiding temptation. So I flee. I get up and leave.

And I pray: "God, help me do what's right today. And help Tyler, too. Save us both from pornography and make us closer to perfect. Make us love you more than ourselves and surround us with people who remind us that you love us even when we mess up. Surround us with friends and a church that feed the holy side of us and teach us how to starve the addicted side of us. Kill the bad dog. Feed the good one. Amen."

The Father's Eyes

Bob Richards, the former pole-vault champion, shares a moving story about a skinny young boy who loved football with all his heart.

Practice after practice, he eagerly gave everything he had. But being half the size of the other boys, he got absolutely nowhere. At all the games, this hopeful athlete sat on the bench and hardly ever played.
This teenager lived alone with his father, and the two of them had a very special relationship. Even though the son was always on the bench, his father was always in the stands cheering. He never missed a game.
This young man was still the smallest of the class when he entered high school. But his father continued to encourage him but also made it very clear that he did not have to play football if he didn't want to.
But the young man loved football and decided to hang in there He was determined to try his best at every practice, and perhaps he'd get to play when he became a senior. All through high school he never missed a practice nor a game but remained a bench-warmer all four years.
His faithful father was always in the stands, always with words of encouragement for him.
When the young man went to college, he decided to try out for the football team as a "walk-on." Everyone was sure he could never make the cut, but he did. The coach admitted that he kept him on the roster because he always puts his heart and soul to every practice, and at the same time, provided the other members with the spirit and
hustle they badly needed.
The news that he had survived the cut thrilled him so much that he rushed to the nearest phone and called his father. His father shared his excitement and was sent season tickets for all the college games.
This persistent young athlete never missed practice during his four years at college, but he never got to play in a game. It was the end of his senior football season, and as he trotted onto the practice field shortly before the big playoff game, the coach met him with a
telegram.
The young man read the telegram and he became deathly silent. Swallowing hard, he mumbled to the coach, "My father died this morning. Is it all right if I miss practice today?" The coach put his arm gently around his shoulder and said, "Take the rest of the week off, son. And don't even plan to come back to the game on Saturday."
Saturday arrived, and the game was not going well. In the third quarter, when the team was ten points behind, a silent young man quietly slipped into the empty locker room and put on his football gear. As he ran onto the sidelines, the coach and his players were astounded to see their faithful teammate back so soon. "Coach, please let me play. I've just got to play today," said the young man. The coach pretended not to hear him. There was no way he wanted his worst player in this close playoff game. But the young man persisted, and finally feeling sorry for the kid, the coach gave in. "All right," he said. "You can go in."
Before long, the coach, the players and everyone in the stands could not believe their eyes. This little unknown, who had never played before was doing everything right. The opposing team could not stop him. He ran, he passed, blocked, and tackled like a star. His team began to triumph. The score was soon tied. In the closing seconds of the game, this kid intercepted a pass and ran all the way for the winning touchdown.
The fans broke loose. His teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders. Such cheering you never heard. Finally, after the stands had emptied and the team had showered and left the locker room, the coach noticed that this young man was sitting quietly in the corner all alone The coach came to him and said,"Kid, I can't believe it. You were fantastic! Tell me what got into you? How did you do it?"
He looked at the coach, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Well, you knew my dad died, but did you know that my dad was blind?" The young man swallowed hard and forced a smile, "Dad came to all my games, but today was the first time he could see me play, and I wanted to show him I could do it!"
Like the athlete's father, God is always there cheering for us. He's always reminding us to go on. He's even offering us His hand for He knows what is best, and is willing to give us what we need and not simply what we want. God has never missed a single game. What a joy to know that life is meaningful if lived for the Highest. Live for HIM for He's watching us in the game of life!

Nigerian youths and its future!!!

I was in a gathering of youths sometime this year when a man in his 50’s was addressing us, he made a statement that turns me on, he said “I know my generation has failed Nigeria, but I believe in your generation to restore and rebuild this nation”.

The question that came to my mind was that in the next 50 to 60 years wont I be making the same statement. I decided that I won’t make the statement even in 100 years to come, because I also believe in my generation. 

Some weeks later I was in my Place of Primary Assignment (PPA), where I served as a youth corp member, when I overheard a conversation going on among the so called Nigerian Youths serving their Father land.

A lady spoke and said “Even if my children are as brilliant as Isaac Newton, they must write there exams in Special centers” all because she did her WAEC three times before making the required 5 credit.

A guy also contributed and said “Nigeria is a fertile land flowing with milk and honey, and it will be better to get your milk and honey directly from the source” I asked him, where is the source? He replied “Any political post in Nigeria is the source, our leaders fourth generation can never be poor again, so I will go there and build wealth for myself and my generations, chop and go”

Come to think of it, the truth is our leaders are serving themselves and their generation, building wealth and fame, buying landed properties in Dubai, private jet and sending their wards abroad to study with a guaranteed job when they come back in the pool of unemployment that have swallowed Nigerian graduate.

But, I BELIEVE in a better Nigeria, where Nigerian youths will not only believe in their potential, but actualize their potential, build a better character in the midst of this moral decadence that has enveloped our nation and stand for integrity in the place of building wealth.

Nigerian youths must not only understand and implement the principles of leadership but also make a commitment to become established in character, adhering to a strong code of ethics. Then we must continually grow in the development of our character, so that we can have a positive and lasting impact on our generation and generations to come.

WHAT WILL BE THE FUTURE OF OUR NATION? WATCH OUT FOR “TURN NIGERIA ON, SEASON 1”  

A platform where we meet successful leaders in the various part of our nation’s economy………

A platform where we build reputable leaders and maximize individual potential………

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Being in LOVE without Making LOVE

Romance is a very good thing. But just because its good doesn’t mean that we can enjoy it whenever and however we please. Like all other good gifts God has made, romantic love can be misused. Solomon’s bride says “do not awaken or arouse love until it is so desire”.

ROMANCE Vs WISDOM

1.       Romance says, “I want it now! Wisdom urges patience”

Biggest mistakes in relationships were almost all the result of impatience. It takes patience to wait to start a relationship until you are ready to court with purpose. Then after you’ve started a purposeful relationship, you will need patience to make sure it unfolds at a Healthy pace. Impatience rushes everything. It urges us to skip the time and attention a healthy friendship requires and to jump right into emotional and physical intimacy. Time is Gods way of keeping everything from happening all at once. Wisdom calls us to slow down.

2.       Romance says, “this is what I want and it’s good for me.” Wisdom leads us to consider what’s best for the other person.

A selfless desire to do what’s best for the other person can guide us in the big and small decisions of a relationship. It’s not tedious. It’s an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Godly relationship. Do to others as you would have them do to you. Ask yourself some personal and sincere questions before you act.

3.       Romance says, “Enjoy the fantasy.” Wisdom calls us to base our emotions and perceptions in reality.

It’s not good to have zeal without knowledge; it’s a one-line summary of Shakespeare’s tragic play Romeo and Juliet and for many misguided romances in real life.

Emotion is a physical expression of how we perceive the status of something we value. Anger, gladness, fear, sadness, joy, jealousy, and hatred are all combinations of our perception and our values. For example two bystanders who witness a dog being hit by a car can experience totally different emotions based on how they perceive the situation and how they value the dog. One who hates dogs might be wickedly glad, while the other person who owns and loves the dog would be overcome with sadness.

In a relationship, if our values are godly and our perception of what we value is accurate, our emotions will be accurate and healthy.

Wisdom calls us to base feelings on accurate information, not on distortions. We need to move beyond typical, artificial dating activities and observe each other in real life settings.

The pleasure of illicit sex—yes, it will feel good; yes it can be exciting. But its pleasure is empty compared to the joys of married love and foolish in light of the dire consequences that visit the soul, body, and emotions.

In relationship, guarding each other’s purity and refraining from sexual intimacy are the acts of lovemaking………. Lust is never satisfied, you can’t bargain with it and come out a winner.

YOU CAN BE IN LOVE WITHOUT MAKING LOVE.

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Jewel of Inestimable Value

Why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? “ because am a woman” she told him.

 “I don’t understand” he said

His mum just hugged him and said “and you never will, but that’s o.k”

Later the boy asked his father, “why does mum seem to cry for no reason?”

“all women cry for no reason” was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him,he asked,

“God, why do women cry so easily?” God answered… “When I made women, I decided she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong to be able to carry the weight of the world, yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her the inner strenght to endure child birth and the rejection that will come many times from her own children.

I gave her hardness that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up,through sickness and fatigue without complaining…

I gave her inner strength and sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her badly…

SHE HAS THE SPECIAL POWER to make a child’s boo boo feel better and to quell a teenager’s anxiety and fears

I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strength and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

 For all this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed. It is hers to use whenever needed and, it is her only weaknes….

When you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you would have made her heart feel good.

She is special

To all men, love your sisters, wife and mother. 

Living a life of value

The soul aim of life is to add value to yourself and to add value to your neighbour. Value is the degree of importance you add to something. What is the degree of importance you are adding to yourself? What is the degree of importance you are adding to your neighbour? When you add value to yourself, you create influence but when you add value to your neighbour you are influential.
When you are always in search of knowledge, then you are adding value to yourself, and when you impact the knowledge you acquire on people you are adding value to them. Live a life full of value, add value to others and you will be celebrated.